


Choices Made

by Providence26



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-11 03:20:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13515567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Providence26/pseuds/Providence26
Summary: Cabenson Fanfic Challenge - prompt - Eyes





	Choices Made

Having been back in New York for two days, Alex Cabot was ready to pick up the threads of her previous life. She had been glad to leave behind the oppressive heat and the heartbreaking stories of the women of the Congo behind. It had simultaneously been one of the most rewarding and yet also in terms of actual results one of the least rewarding experiences of her life.

She hadn’t expected it to cost her the hard fought for and treasured relationship she had with Olivia Benson. If she could change just one thing, it would be the way Olivia found out about her taking up the post in the Congo. The betrayal and pain in her eyes was something that had haunted Alex in the days that followed as Olivia avoided her until her departure, and in the time abroad. She had been told by her friend Serena, that Olivia had moved all of her stuff from their apartment after Alex’s departure. Being a continent away from Olivia was like emotional torture. She couldn’t complain though, it was a self imposed situation.

She had gone to the 16th precinct to see Olivia, hoping a public reunion would safeguard her from Olivia’s tears and recriminations.

It had been a different scenario that welcomed her this time, Elliott was gone, there were two new detectives, and Olivia was on holiday. When she queried this most unlikely turn of events, no one would give her any information, claiming ignorance of her plans. The only time she had known Olivia to take a holiday was if Alex arranged it, she never chose to take time off work unless the promise of spending time with Alex was her reward.

Could she have found someone else in Alex’s absence? It had been a year since she last saw her, she had sent emails, letters, arranged for presents, but had received no response. A year was more than enough time for her to have found someone else.

Captain Cragen must have noticed the look on her face as he seemed to take pity on her, throwing her a comment of, “Central Park is nice this time of year, perfect for the animals at the zoo.”

What? “Off you go, some crisp fresh air will do you good after all that sun.”

 

After what felt like hours of aimless wandering and several mis-sightings of women who weren’t Olivia, but looked enough like her to be accosted by Alex, she spotted Olivia, with a couple and two small children, she recognized them as Olivia’s half brother and his family, when she turned, she saw for the first time the small baby strapped to Olivia’s chest.

For the third time that day Alex’s brain felt like it was going to shut off. A baby? It could be Simon’s.  
Or….  
They had been talking of having a baby, they had both had their eggs harvested, and Alex knew of a facility that pioneered insemination of one egg via the stripped nucleus of another egg. It would have been their baby. Not a strictly legal way of conceiving, and certainly controversial. They had even had their eggs taken, and had a tentative date for the insemination. An appointment Alex missed due to her interview with the ICC.

Had Olivia gone through with it?

She felt mildly nauseated at the thought that not only had she not been there for the conception, but she had actively been planning to be a continent away at the time. With a sudden surge of courage coursing through her she made her way to the group, Simon saw her first and alerted Olivia to her presence. Olivia’s hands automatically came up to cradle the baby as if from harm.

When she reached Olivia her momentum faltered and all she could manage was a soft, “Hi, Liv.”

With each step Alex had taken towards her Olivia’s resolve not to crumble at the inevitable reunion hardened.  
“Alex.”

Awkward silence followed as Alex desperately tried to find even a small but safe topic to start off the conversation.

“Is this little one yours?”

“What do you want Alex?”

“I wanted to see you, to talk to you. Can we talk, Liv? Can you give me even a few minutes?”

The war in Olivia’s eyes was almost palpable.

“Five minutes. We can go over to that bench. It’s almost time for her feed, she’s like clockwork.”

Their walk was silent, with Alex drinking in the sight of Olivia, and trying to get a look at the little baby girl sleeping on Olivia’s chest, if it was theirs, she would be about 3 months old. Alex was not an expert at babies, but the size seemed right.

As they sat, still in silence, the baby stirred, and Alex watched, fascinated as Olivia started to breastfeed the little girl. Her eyes opened to show gorgeous light blue eyes, she watched Olivia as she fed. The bond between them was tangible. An irrational surge of jealousy sailed through Alex.

“Is she mine, Liv?”

“She’s my daughter, Alex.”

“We had planned…”

“Stop Alex, if you are going to raise your voice to me you can leave, I won’t have that around my child.”

“I’m sorry, the timing is right, she must be mine, we had planned her. She’s mine.”

Speaking at just above a whisper Olivia replies, “We did. That’s true. But how can you consider her yours? You abandoned us. You were supposed to be there with me, Alex. But instead you chose to apply for a new job on the other side of the world; you didn’t even have the decency to tell me what you were planning. At work you were planning to be the crusader for victims over in the Congo and at home you were planning a family with me. How did you think those things would mesh? Were you planning to commute? And how dare you let anyone else know before me? That alone spoke volumes to me about your commitment to us.”

“It was unplanned, it was a spur of the moment thing Liv, after speaking to Nardalee, learning of the horror there, I needed to do something, to help them. I thought you of all people would understand.”

“I understand the impulse to help people, but that doesn’t mean you get to treat the people in your life like interchangeable extras.  
We were going to get married, we had started the process of children, and you don’t think that warrants a conversation?”

Olivia moved the child from her breast, cleaning her mouth and placing her on her shoulder to burp, towel on her shoulder ready for the inevitable spit up. As much as she loved her daughter, smelling like baby sick was not her favorite way to spend the day.  
Alex remained silent, trying to come up with the right words to be forgiven.

“Why are you here?”

“I have missed you, I thought about you every day. I know I made some mistakes, and I know there is no apology big enough for what I have done, but you are the only person I wanted to see when I came back. You are my home Olivia.”

Olivia snorted and cradled the little girl back in her arms.

“What’s her name?”

“Your time is up Alex.”

“Wait, please, wait. I want us to be a family.“ Reaching out to stroke the little girl’s cheek she continued, "She has my eyes. And your smile.”  
Alex was thoroughly enchanted as the little girl grasped her finger with a grip that surprised Alex.

“It’s too late for that Alex. You had me, we were a family, you are the one who walked away.”

“I didn’t think you would be gone when I came back. I thought you would wait for me.”

“I am not a dog that sits at the end of the driveway waiting for her owner to come home each day, Alex. You moved on, I’ve moved on. You already let me go, You don’t get to swoop in and be the savior any time it suits you.”

“Please, just tell me her name.”


End file.
